I have been feeling underweather since tues, the weather is not helping, the rain right after your scorching sun of the afternoon lunch hour. The trotting around in heels fr dusty sites to fully airconditioned meeting rooms reduced me to a shivering mess since tues.

I almost want to pull a sick half day leave yesterday, I know I can't be on MC for full day for the fact I have a few orders that needed urgently to be issued out immediately yesterday morning. The fact my site supervisor informed me some 9piece of tiles MIA-ed on the site which I needed to replace immediately for the fear of hindering the site progress. The fact I have piles of drawings that needed to be done before next week. 5 projects, 5set of working drawings, 5 set of mood board, eons of quotation to go through.

And yesterday after a site visit at 2.30pm, I told all my colleagues I am going home to nurse my runny nose when my gm called and told me that I have 15-20 minutes to get ready the company's portfolio, pack my stuff and drag the laptop to plaza mont kiara for a meeting. 15MINUTES.

Virtually flew there with the laptop without knowing what's the project all about. Was late, ran up 2staircase in my heels trying hard to balance a laptop on my left hand and note book in my right.

Basically I blew up the meeting, coming in unprepared and the laptop ran out of batt on me in the middle of the discussion.

I feel damn champion by then, a sick champion in fact.

There goes my so-called half day MC. -_-"

Suddenly hit by this crazy urge to shop, to buy, buy and buy. Not good for the dwindling bank account.

Everything suddenly look so fab, especially this crazily colourful outdated kimono top. Crazy.

And now I am happily planning my holiday(s) for the year end and next year as well.
Oh yeah,I told my coll, flying to Paris for 2.5k is cheap.

God knows what made me say that, I mean I hardly have much money left til next month. What the hell is happening.??-_-"

Stop repeating the same diatribe again and fucking again, it has been mentioned and I already knew the root of the problems.

You are not the 1st one to tell me but STOP repeating. Don't make me yell at you when I am seriously too busy to listen to YOU to go on like merry-go-round. I do not fucking care about what the fucking carpenter said, if you want to listen to him then you better work for him.

It has been mentioned, no rectification is allowed and YOU are not going to suggest any fucking else things except for those stated in the drawings unless YOU are the designer or else SHUT UP.

Hate people who talk in circle.

Look if you want to be involved in this industry, please fucking employ someone who can read drawings and understand English.

I am no translator.

We are not prepared, are we?

" hope is good news, we are all not expecting this, pa's result is coming back tomorrow, whatever it is, I hope is good news cos we are not prepared for it if is bad news."

That's what my bro text me a week ago. It saddens me, sending me depressing thoughts. Yes, you are right bro, we never expect, never even give it a single thought or are we all just plainly in denial?

Have you ever wish time will stand still?

Have you ever wish that you will never grow up?

daddy and mummy will never grow old . . .

for they will always be there to protect you . . .

for you will always be their little girl . . .

Have you ever wish that you are the one who's suffering instead of them?

Have you ever wish that you can take away their pain?

Have you ever?...

I have..

Was informed on saturday 7.30pm by sis that dad is hospitalised. I was reeling with shock when I saw the sms.

Initially dad is having breathing difficulty due to vocal cord paralysis or paresis (partial paralysis). Dad partial vocal cord has failed him resulting some wheezing sound everytime dad speak. (The vocal cords are two bands of muscle that form a "V" inside the larynx. We use the larynx when we breathe, talk, or swallow. Its outer wall of cartilage forms the area of the front of the neck referred to as the "Adams apple.")(source fr.http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=9019)

They put dad on oxygen tank for a couple of minutes, he felt almost alright, however the moment dad stepped out of the hospital, again he had a hard time breathing, again he was admitted in ICU.

The doc from E & P told mum, dad needs to be operated right away to place a tube in dad's voice box to ease his breathing difficulty. At 9.30pm, dad was wheeled into the operating theathre, I was numb with fear and shock, being so faraway I do not know what to do. However mum told me, doc said is just a minor surgery, nothing to worry about.

11.30, mum called, the surgery is a success, dad is alright though he still can't talk and eat. Tomorrow dad will be again go for scope to see what went wrong resulting the the larynx to fail to function.

I will be going back this weekend, I've promise dad a father's day threat but now dad neither can eat nor talk . . . . .

Life's fragile.

I cried buckets when I read this;

http://xiaodoudou.blogspot.com/2005_12_01_xiaodoudou_archive.html.


p/s: My colleague must have thought I went nuts, sobbing in front of the computer screen.heh.

To the man in my life;

"Pa,..I'm sorry for not being able to make it back for Father's Day, even more sorry that I didn't even put an effort to go back home more often, I promise that I will try harder and I won't disappoint you and mum for all the effort, support and encouragement.

I know I do not know how to communicate with you at times, but it hurts me a lot to see you sitting there,alone, isolated from all of us, staring at the space aimlessly, I couldn't tell what you are thinking, I could've only guess what you are thinking, I feel so hopeless and useless at times thus I pretend, I pretend that you've never change,you are still my same old pa.

But no matter what happen to you, however ways you have change, you are still my soft spoken pa who will shield and protect me from ma's canning, who play the middle person whenever ma and I gave each other silent treatment, who gives me financial assistant whenever I needed them. You never once question my ability even when I've failed you.

Lastly I would like to wish you 'Happy Father's Day and I love you Pa.."

Dear Great One Above,

This will be my 1st official letter to you. For the past couple of months you have been ignoring me, thus I've decided to take this whole matter in my own hands and seize this perfect opportunity to write directly to you. I'd begged with puppy dog eyes and all for you to show me your Greatness though I haven't resorted to walk into the lion den screaming your name yet.

I give up.

Recently however, You seemed to took a pleasure of pulling my legs and watching me squirmed in discomfort.

You've gave me a perfect solution to each situation and yet You created more and more these absolutely 'perfect' situation just for me. All these requires the winning solution from me. But Your perfect creation is like 2 totally different jigsaw puzzle. Unique itself, though both are jigsaw puzzle, they paint a different story each, one can neither combine them or choose them both. This equals to decision-making = dilemma on my part.

I would certainly hope that I have been a good source of entertainment for You but this has has to come to an end. You can roll on the floor laughing Your ass off looking at my dumbfucked expression for one last time as I am pulling the brake on your jokes. Let's hope You could perform some miracles some last minute to reinstate my faith in you though that will be tons of hard work on Your part. Last but not least, I would like to thank you for Your undivided attention on me for this short period span. Thank you and bless You.

Regards,
Your source of entertainment

Who said anything about 6.6.06 is bad omen? anti christ?

Is one of the best day that I've had over the past week okay?

First of all, I got a freaking fabulous *ahem haircut and oh-so neat pedicure. I am telling you, the last time I rave on and on about my haircut was donkey years ago and I have not ever since found a good stylist who knows what he's doing with his pair of scissors.

Kenny Chiam from The Mod @ Sri Hartamas, I love you for you made me feel like a goddess, thank you thank you *drop a tear or two.

So now I have a shoulder length bob with punk-rocker-chick type of fringe. Sweett. *swing hair around.

And then Dc dragged me to scour for some nicely renovated preowned condos to take a peep. We found one perfect one last week, sadly it was snapped up by some cash rich ah pek just a day before dc wanna made his downpayment. Depress about losing such a good deal,he was in deep blue funk for the past 2days, wallowing with self pity with his ps2.

However, we found another almost nearly as perfect as the one we lost the other day, and I have to say, I prefer this one over the lost deal which is more zen in design and decoration wise whilst the other one is more homely and family oriented. Dc decided to buy it, agent, owner and dc is happy, I am ecstatic even Sam(moi-s housemate) loves it. So everyone is content, great~

Anyhoo, moi decided to give the engineering firm a try, at least an interview. Will see how it goes.

p/s: Will post up some pics of the new hairstyle,the new place if moi have the time to pay it another visit and maybe my collection of earrings as well.. if I have the time..

The Great One above has definitely dumped me..for good. Has been nursing my deflated ego over past weekend. Shall not dwell on that anymore, do not wanna add salt on an open wound.

Anyhoo, after an engineering firm rang me up again to offer me a position in their firm. This is like the 2nd time they offered me the same position citing that with my QUALIFICATION?? and (nonexistent) EXPERIENCE is just what they needed for THAT position? ?

I am still toiling with the idea. I am not sure at all as I love my current job...but the pay is just insufficient.

After the past experience, I became more suspicious especially of those large and prestigious firm, I went through hell and I do not feel like going through the emotional torture again.

By the way, The Great One Above played a sick joke on me while I am nursing a broken heart, the ex company called and basically told me they would like to have me again on their team and if I would consider the same position again?

Sick, sick, sick joke, if I were to take up the offer, wouldn't that be like digging my own grave?

mahai.. I just noticed I made STUPID mistakes on my resume.
Mahai damn kau stupid some more okay. Bang head on the keyboard *sbtrt<)^je%hue* No wonder la no calls, if I am the HR also I wont bother, most prolly I will go like "Eh apa ni?bodohnya~" (assuming I am a Malay HR woman)

On a slightly teeny brighter note, I shall be glad I never pass out my resume to my friends like damn pro.If they are to read it, they will most probably like "aiyoh..her engrish not very powder oso.." men-siasui-kan only

* * *
Another smart move of mine, was nicely filling in some online motherfucking-humongous-panjang-gila-babi forms only until almost-nearly-just about the END of the form then only I realised . . .mahai I forgot to check my passport number which was required, which I already made mental note to-remember-to check yesterday. And the deadline is tomorrow *Bang head on the keyboard again *sbtrt<)^je%hue

* * * *
On a sour note, The Great One Above haven't answer my prayers yet, well, not all anyway. Maybe He answered only a quarter of it only. Compare 100 to 1000, damn alot of difference okay? Maybe He got all the numbers jumble up. maybe i got too many request, He mixed them up. So.. when is He going to straigthen up His mess up paperwork??

* * *
Went through dc's email, he asked me to clear his inbox for him, anyway there's tons millions of spam mail, then there was this caption that caught my attention "HEY GIRL"

I opened the spam mail, and click reply without going through the content, maybe selling viagra or something, who cares? and I wrote " HHAHAHAHHAA you obviously can't read english, judging from the user's name, can't you tell is SO SO SO OBVIOUS that it belongs to a MAN?"

Is so obvious from Dc's email that the email belongs to a guy. john111@yahoo.com( this is just an example by the way), isn't it damn obvious? and you greet them with "hey girl??????" bodoh-nya~

Oh by the way, I having PMS so super-bitchy today. Don't blame me, blame it on the PMS.

Drag meself home at 4.00am after lofting around in zouk, washed down a (extremely bad,sucky) house wine, lychee martini and mineral water, all free wohoo.

zouk. well. I dont like it, there's too many kiddoes jumping around and they are freaking scary dancer man, can kill anyone within 1m radius. Tash, I had a great time making fun of them with YOU.LOL.

And for those lil buggers who have been trying to rub our ass with their dick-that-have-erectile-dysfunctional-problem. Fuck off, we were just having fun, plus with your type of dancing and face, seriously dudette, don't make me laugh until my szechuan-noodle dinner oozes out from my nose,that's why you deserve the my mighty heel stamping on your faux leather shoes. Man I am evil, I am bad..

We encountered some really natural(disaster) dancers naturally, they are so well balanced that they can dance with this unique (note; weird) way by slanting their half of the body in front, with that some more can swing the arms like 'sotong kurita' waving for their baits,talk about perfect balancing.

At 4.35am, still lolling around the bed, can't believe I was actually perfectly somber and darn awake. at that hour? damn you lousy wine, totally not working.

6.30am, can barely drag myself off the bed, i had to subject to, rolling off the bed, easier that way, afterall i still can't afford a bedframe. Crawl to work at the speed of a giant slug and hope I don't run over any furry animals on my way to work. So sorry to those who wants to run their BMW over me this morning.

Hey what do you expect from a girl who is driving with eyes that are only partially open?

My mood certainly fluctuate faster than the KLSE second board margin.

Why ?one might ask, I can't really pinpoint the main cause or whatever dark cloud that is looming around in my head.

Another question to my sanity.

I find it odd when majority of the human civilisation found moi a strong and tough person. What the fuck? Strong?Tough?

I am not.

I am sensitive flower. bo hoohoo

Just like yesterday, was chatting with dc's friend whom I met a couple of times. As nearing the end of the conversation, he went,
"Sue(weird, he 's the only one who called and remember me by my middle name) you are such a tough girl, you seem to know clearly what you want in life."

I went like ??-_-? WTH? I do not know what I want in life okay? One moment I want to be designer, the next I want to be a lawyer and after I chuck myself on the head,for not taking accounts as I love numbers( translate"I love money")

Now I want to be in the America Next Top Model can?? I want to shave my legs and show my boobies on the national tv, then you all can play connect the mole with my body, can? ?
o
I am not tough, no, I hurt too. Don't you fucking think that I am the female Arnold Schwarzenegger in Robotcop, I ain't make of no steel, I bleed too.

By the way, I found this;

Your Japanese Name Is...

Aiko Imaidegawa

What's" your Japanese Name?

AIKO IMAIDEGAWA X), nice~

Watashi-wa Aiko-san. =P

Anata-no tomodochi-o shokai shite?

(See how fast my mood changes within seconds. Damn siow, I scarring myself even)

Faxed over, called up the friend who introduced the job to me, whined for a good 5minutes over the phone with him. Worse part, he actually agreed that the total amount is a bit hefty for a 2000sqft project.

After twiddling thumbs for a good 3hours, the director himself gave me a call and told me when is the board meeting and when I can expect the decision. 2weeks. Fair enough, at least I wont have to twiddle thumbs for the rest of the couple of days. relief*

Thank god for some people have courtesy. Ya know what I mean, like those interview, where they so know you are not going to make to the cut and yet they-so-do-not-want-to-hurt-your-feelings, by telling you to wait for their calls. Leaving you twiddling thumbs for the rest of the couple of days waiting, longing for their call and yet, they never call. You end up dissapointed and feeling like a damn loser-ish. I would have prefer you to cut the chase and give me the blunder.

Okay back to the topic, I am just so glad they called. Make it freaking Glad. Judging from the call, at least, you know they do treat your design seriously and they do respect you as a designer. Makes you feel like damn powder man!=P

I was informed by a friend that, for my recent presentation for a project, mine was one of the 2 shorlisted. super duper ecstatic.

However tht leaves me preparing for the detailed quotation for the whole weekend, it sums up to a six-figure amount. I am not that ecstatic anymore. Being particular about the details and finishing, I have a penchant for expensive finishes which looks fabulous but cost a bomb which most of the even major corporation wouldn't want to choke up that type of money for it.

I do not want to loose the deal, being so near and close within my grasp, I really do not want to loose it right now. Yet being stubborn as a mule, neither do I want to compromise on the finishing and materials. Plus being unsure of who I am up against, another point against me.

If i get this deal, I can shake leg from home, make-up-less in my shorts with my unshaved legs. :p Please please let me nail it, pleaseeee. this is my 1st time begging you. please do not desert me right now.

Cash or fushion buffet dinner? cash or fresh sashimi & oyster??
I can't have everything, can't I?

Darn is my b'day, YOU should have plan everything instead of fucking ask me.
Just give me some moolah so that I can get myself a bottle of vodka. That will knock me out for a good couple of hours...

OMG OMFG, hallelujah, my deadline is postponed to next monday instead of tomorrow, my client called citing that he and his board of directors are not free to layan me tomorrow, teheehee.

I wanna dance around the company.Instead of handing in some lacklustre, halfway done design, I have more time to develop the whole concept, and hey is not even my fault. Wohoo.

01-02-03-04-05-06

By the way, the newspaper has been making a big hoo ha about the once-in-a-century 01-02-03-04-05-06 phenomena and the day is MY BIRTHDAY tehee.

Anyway,they asked some astrologer? to foresee the fortune for the baby that is born on that day and time and they cited something about the baby is going to be ATTRACTIVE,SMART and WEALTHY.

ATTRACTIVE,SMART and WEALTHY?

Hey I was born on the same day, okay the timing was a bit off, whatever happen to my ATTRACTIVE,SMART and WEALTHY? ?darn should have crawl out earlier, then maybe now I will be clad in Chloe from head to toe with my manolos and fendi tote and I will be shower with love and admiration just because I was born with ever-so phenomenal-in-sequence birthtime and date. boh0o.

Back From MIA

Been missing in action for about a month and been missing out on a great deal of stuff. Thanks to the dumb company with the jerk-of-the-year boss for that.
"We strongly emphasis on communication as I think communication is ver-e-e IMPORTANT." Yeah right, so much on communication, they don't even have proper internet connection, someone pls kick his butt and shove the laptop up on his anus.

Day one, environment was strangely tense and stiff, staff do not communicate with one another except with drawings, picture this *talking and laughing with the papers.??

Everyone was scheduled to have formal lunch discussion, at least twice a week meaning no freedom to even choose when or where with who to go lunching about. Is COMPULSORY. Talk about losing your appetite.

Overtime is a widely encouraged practice, their overtime by all means not 9-7pm, btw we finished work at 5pm but everyone MUST stay at least until 7.30pm(at least).

My 1st week there, I left at about the earliest 8.30pm and once the latest 12.30am.

By the time is all dark and quiet, imagine this, most of us, the petite size Asian chicks parked our car on the slope of the hill which on one side is covered with bushes and the other side, rows of condominium. The walk is about 20m, approx. 15minutes to get to your car, that is if you walk real fast and brisk. 8minutes if you run like mad woman.

Another piece of fact is, all the gentlemen are long gone, during the duration I stayed with them, considering how dark is it out there, no one actually offer to accompany me to get my car or to ensure my safety even with the other girls (90% of them are thinner and even smaller size than I am), they stare at me like I suddenly sprouted 3ears with a tentacles everytime I told them I am going off. I rather take the risk.

The last straw was when I told them I am sick, I need bail out on them slightly earlier, MY slightly earlier was 8.00pm (I told them at 7.30pm) which is like way after working hours, I was shivering like a sick cat.

So I told 3person-the secretary, my leader and my boss. The secretary looked at as if I just told her, I need to feed my fish to which in reply, she asked "can you work overtime, everyone is working overtime wor.." So caring,she almost brought tears to my eyes.

And then my leader, " Er u tell boss yourself la.." accompanied by the look as if I just told him I saw UFO landed outside the office.

And lastly my boss. dirty looks. the UFO thingie again.

I bailed out after one month, I rather sit at home and trim my nostril hairs. No prize in guessing why.

2 Months Too Later

Wednesday 22.2.2006

Had a nice small gathering in One Utama, left at about 11.30, only to find many exits had been locked. Had to trot all around One Utama blardy humongous carpark to find for my car, as yours truly and her passenger couldn't really make out the ways in the carpark, played hide and seek with my baby for 1bloody hour.

Thank god for all my pals, and their ever-so macho (only this time!!) Kean Aik and Dylon, or else i think we would have to camp overnight there. Stupid damn carpark, do until so fucking big for what?#!?$@^#

Friday 24.2.2006

Make my way to BarLola (isit?), tucked next behind Beach Club, away from all the hyper-active, i-am-very-happening- kids in Sultan Ismail area, meet up with some pals to grab some drinks and a game of pool. The long island tea is darn nice there. Can't play pool, according to von- inappropriate dressing, stupid stupid me.

26.4.2006

Just re-discover this unpost piece, as one can guess, i couldn't recall what is there exactly to continue about. Is like 2months too late.. well i guess i would just leave it hanging halfway like that . . sigh*