Pre-wedding jitters?

So I am getting married, note the excitement, har de har, oh hell who am I kidding.

I absolutely hate planning and yet I hate to allow other people to plan for me. So no wedding planner for me, not like I can afford one anyway. I want things to be done my way, only my way, mine mine mine mine x thousand million times. Fucking selfish you say? but.it.is.my.wedding.so.fuck.off.

I know I am babbling but it fucking pisses me off when somebody without telling me that she has planned for bridesmaid for me, WITHOUT INFORMING ME. I don't even care if you are my future in law, dude, where is your courtesy man?? can't even inform the bride?

Honestly I would not have minded that much, if you would have just ask me earlier but to just drop a bomb on me like this, how dare you!

Ok now, I just have to figure out how to tell the BF that what his mother has plan for us without yelling at him or start a fight. Grrrrrr...

Regret and Disappointment

A good friend of mine just gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl last week, I remember I gave the tired new mummy a call offering congratulations and asking million of 'girlie' questions, but amidst all the 'girlie' chatter, I remember myself asking about education, lessons i.e music, sports, art classes, insurances etc etc. I felt myself growing older after the conversation and I wonder..about my own baby (future reference), about what I plan for him or her, would it be good enough? would it be what she/he wanted? Would they grow up and look back in regret? Regret about things that they think they should have done, wanted to learn but wasn't given a chance? Regret about words that has been tossed out carelessly during our heated arguments? Words that will slice through my heart?

Then I asked myself, how often have I look back? how often has all the hurt and regret creeping up back to my heart. Thinking back, isn't it easy to blame others rather than admiting your fault?

And now I am scared, worried that I would disappoint my children that I would not be able to provide them the best, the best of everything, doesn't matter that they are not the best in everything. I am scared that one day as my children grow older and they will tell me that "mummy I want to be a surgeon," and I would reply, " Good, you want to be a surgeon but .. but.. mummy can't afford your fees.."

And when they grow up, they will always look back in regret and disappointment.

Am I tired ..

It has been an absolutely tiring week, the weekend shopping continue by a 1 night trip to DC's hometown. And I have million of things to do before the photoshoot and being a champion of all procastinator, I have to leave all the things til the last minute.

Million of things that I am supposed to do to make myself glowing and 'fresh' for the photoshoot and now I have dark circle, eyebag and 2 huge pimples on my chin, bloody hell. And work has been hellish, thanks to 'someone', I have been running from meeting to another back to back until yesterday. Oh and I have been sleeping late..have to thanks Jackie Collins for the puffy dark circles.

Well, let me see what I have to do today..

1) Get a manicure and pedicure
2) Facial??? *got time??*
3) Buy some makeup water or something ..sheeshh I have to call to check, what do you call that water thingamajie anyway?
4) Shit..I forgotten about the shoes..
5) Bring the 2 baby for their 'spa'
6) Get detail drawing completed?? Oh..that doesn't matter anymore..does it?

Oh my God!!

*can finish?*

Recession, Oh Recession . .



Last year hasn't been fantastic for moi, Malaysian in general has not been hit by the recession wave just yet but I think moi is the most affected and the earliest to feel the pinch. And to see the things that you wanted the most was nearly within your grip, missing by milimetres, poof and gone, just like that. Sigh~



Anyway, things have yet to improve but I am still working towards it. I wish myself tons and truckful of lucks man!!