Regret and Disappointment

A good friend of mine just gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl last week, I remember I gave the tired new mummy a call offering congratulations and asking million of 'girlie' questions, but amidst all the 'girlie' chatter, I remember myself asking about education, lessons i.e music, sports, art classes, insurances etc etc. I felt myself growing older after the conversation and I wonder..about my own baby (future reference), about what I plan for him or her, would it be good enough? would it be what she/he wanted? Would they grow up and look back in regret? Regret about things that they think they should have done, wanted to learn but wasn't given a chance? Regret about words that has been tossed out carelessly during our heated arguments? Words that will slice through my heart?

Then I asked myself, how often have I look back? how often has all the hurt and regret creeping up back to my heart. Thinking back, isn't it easy to blame others rather than admiting your fault?

And now I am scared, worried that I would disappoint my children that I would not be able to provide them the best, the best of everything, doesn't matter that they are not the best in everything. I am scared that one day as my children grow older and they will tell me that "mummy I want to be a surgeon," and I would reply, " Good, you want to be a surgeon but .. but.. mummy can't afford your fees.."

And when they grow up, they will always look back in regret and disappointment.

Am I tired ..

It has been an absolutely tiring week, the weekend shopping continue by a 1 night trip to DC's hometown. And I have million of things to do before the photoshoot and being a champion of all procastinator, I have to leave all the things til the last minute.

Million of things that I am supposed to do to make myself glowing and 'fresh' for the photoshoot and now I have dark circle, eyebag and 2 huge pimples on my chin, bloody hell. And work has been hellish, thanks to 'someone', I have been running from meeting to another back to back until yesterday. Oh and I have been sleeping late..have to thanks Jackie Collins for the puffy dark circles.

Well, let me see what I have to do today..

1) Get a manicure and pedicure
2) Facial??? *got time??*
3) Buy some makeup water or something ..sheeshh I have to call to check, what do you call that water thingamajie anyway?
4) Shit..I forgotten about the shoes..
5) Bring the 2 baby for their 'spa'
6) Get detail drawing completed?? Oh..that doesn't matter anymore..does it?

Oh my God!!

*can finish?*