Regret and Disappointment

A good friend of mine just gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl last week, I remember I gave the tired new mummy a call offering congratulations and asking million of 'girlie' questions, but amidst all the 'girlie' chatter, I remember myself asking about education, lessons i.e music, sports, art classes, insurances etc etc. I felt myself growing older after the conversation and I wonder..about my own baby (future reference), about what I plan for him or her, would it be good enough? would it be what she/he wanted? Would they grow up and look back in regret? Regret about things that they think they should have done, wanted to learn but wasn't given a chance? Regret about words that has been tossed out carelessly during our heated arguments? Words that will slice through my heart?

Then I asked myself, how often have I look back? how often has all the hurt and regret creeping up back to my heart. Thinking back, isn't it easy to blame others rather than admiting your fault?

And now I am scared, worried that I would disappoint my children that I would not be able to provide them the best, the best of everything, doesn't matter that they are not the best in everything. I am scared that one day as my children grow older and they will tell me that "mummy I want to be a surgeon," and I would reply, " Good, you want to be a surgeon but .. but.. mummy can't afford your fees.."

And when they grow up, they will always look back in regret and disappointment.